Thursday, January 26, 2006
fake reality
tell me what should i do
so that i'll stop thinking of you
it's like no matter what i do
i'll see you out of the blue
you've been crossing my mind
almost a million times a day
it's not that i really mind
but it's taking my real world away
everything in my mind is always just a fantasy
nothing more then fake reality
a dream that i want but will never be true
because the person i like is you
i'm lost
i don't know what to do
i'm helpless
there's nothing i can do
LyDiA[Thursday, January 26, 2006]
[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
should i
are there really things that can't be said
will i regret if i don't say
will it be worse then i thought if i were to let it out
should i tell someone?
or keep it to myself?
is liking someone really that difficult?
but why issit not as simple as i thought?
i like you, you like me
i thought that's all it takes in a relationship
but sad to say it's not
you once fell for me and you didn't say
now i'm falling for you and i daren't say
i want to but i can't
what should i do?
to stay or to go?
*LOST*
LyDiA[Wednesday, January 25, 2006]
[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
bought more things
on the 20th Jan, i went to Heeren myself before going down to Kallang to help out with the tower. all because of one top i saw in the seventeen magazine from Koi Norbouri. i fell in love with it at first sight, so did my mum and dad. haha. so my dad bless me with that top. it's kinda rugged. it's the second LAST PIECE!!!
on the 23rd Jan, went shopping with Anthony first at Far East. He bought one pair of dunks. i was so jealous. haha. i saw one pair that i like, took a photo of it and sent it to my dad. my dad didn't reply. when i called him, he hung up the phone. i quite disappointed at first, but later i realise he was having a meeting. haha. anyway. this was the dunk Anthony bought.
it cost 169 bucks.
after he bought his stuff, we went over to bugis and met up with Rallen, Grace and Yiling. Yiling bought a new pair of Levi's jeans. slim cut. NICE. haha. but my dad once told me i need not so many jeans. anyway i got lotsa bottoms at home already. if i buy somemore. think my dad's gonna kill me. we shop till like 10 plus. me reach home at 11.30pm. and the next day i'm meeting Fiona to go shopping again.
so the next day came. 24th Jan, i went with my mum to the bank. she forgot her password to her NETS card and we have to spend an extra 5 bucks to get her a new one. how funny. hopefully this time she'll remember her password. anyway. was suppose to meet Fiona at 3pm at Far East plaza. but due to ther photoshoot, it was changed to 4.30pm. thankz to that, my mum bought me a billabong top and bottom.
this pants was the LAST PIECE!!! wahaha. and i bought it.
after buying, i went down to orchard. because Fiona was gonna be late, so i went to Pan Pacific to walk around. that's the shopping centre i like most, but i can't afford. haha. anyway thankz to Fiona, i got the time to walk around Roxy and i found this amazingly nice top. to me la it's very nice. haha. and it's once again the LAST PIECE. and i bought it. this time, my own money. haha. but i felt worth it. my dad says it's nice too when i reach home, so did my friends.
what i like about the shirt is the prints, it's gold in colour and it's got a flying horse.
then after that i met Fiona at LeftFoot, my dad's gonna bless me with a pair of dunks. i was so happy the night before when he told me i can go buy that shoe. AHAHAHA!!! the shoe is PINK! but i love it. it's got a shiny finishing and that's what i like.
my mum says it's nice. so i don't care. ahaha. i like it. and it cost only 69 bucks. so far the cheapest dunks i've seen. and one more thing.. IT'S THE LAST PAIR TOO!!!!
realise i've been spending and spending and spending none stop this few days. can't help it. there are alot of nice stuff. i'm so happy!!! i'm so BLESSED!!!!!
LOVE YA MUM AND DAD!!!!! THANK GOD FOR MY PARENTS!!!!!
LyDiA[Wednesday, January 25, 2006]
[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
Friday, January 20, 2006
LyDiA[Friday, January 20, 2006]
[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
Monday, January 16, 2006
Hell or Heaven
standing in the wilderness of an unknown place
fire everywhere and heat on his face
he's feeling the pain
struggling so hard in vain
but no matter how hard he try
he's gonna die
he stood there wondering why
why he's gonna die
even if he knows, it's too late
even if he cries till his tears run dry
hell's still a place where everything die
hell's not a place to mess with
once you're in, don't think you can leave
a place where most people believe do exist
yet their unbelieve will cause them to perish
Christ is the answer to shun eternal death
yet only a few believe and the rest don't care
hell or heaven
you decide
live or die
choice is yours
we only have one life
choose to live and not regret
Fear God and you shall have no fear of man
LyDiA[Monday, January 16, 2006]
[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
Friday, January 13, 2006
hmmm
Well, today is not really a bad day except for the rain. It is kind of tiring and stuff though. Reach home late today after strikeforce and got scolded from my dad. I went for supper and took the last train home, that is why. It takes 1hour for me to go home, excluding waiting time and walking time. The preview was cancelled again due to the rain. Dumb rain. Yea, I agree with the fact that when it rains, it is nice to sleep. And that is precisely the point. I do not sleep in the afternoon and evening, why rain?
Anyway, on Monday, Bro Boon taught a few of us the Brazilian beat. It is hard to maintain the beat but it is FUN! Taught a few of them today and we had fun. While the rest were practicing for Chingay, we were there playing. * opps * but at least we enjoyed ourselves.
Earlier in the morning my mum came into my room to clear my room, my wardrobe to be exact. Yea, I have lots of clothes, but I am reluctant to give them away. I am a very sentimental person. I love my things. I find it a waste to give them away, and that is how I have lot of clothes. I love to buy clothes. Maybe I should start slimming down then maybe I can fit into most of my clothes again. * I am getting fat due to the prata every night after practice *
Went shopping yesterday with my mum. And yes, I bought stuffs again. I bought a belt from GUESS and a pair of long patched-pants from Far East. I was so afraid my dad would find it ugly. * I always go shopping with dad instead of mum * my mum is nice, she buy things I like, whereas for my dad, he buy things he likes. * It is a lot of things * haha. Good thing my dad likes it. * GUESS is having sales!!!! * In fact everywhere is sales. * I want to go shopping!!! * But I haven gotten my pay yet.
Talking about my pay reminds of my job. I haven been working lately due to the practices. * Oh no, is my supervisor mad at me. * Sure he is. At first I told him I can work 3 days a week, but it is like reduced to 0 days a week. * Die * I miss working. * It is the money i miss actually, sobs *
Hmmm. Recently I have been thinking about Joyce Meyer's message. No doubt it made an impact, but whether is it positive or negative I’m not sure. Hopefully by penning this down does not make me go for counseling. Here goes. When I heard the message of "liking myself" I was thinking, do I? In fact I dun really like myself, although I have been trying very hard to. Just like what she said, I got a lot of "I wish-es". I wish I was this and that and the list goes on. There are a lot of things I cannot do and I am not. Of cos i am not trying to emphasize on the physical stuff, but more on the emotional and inward stuff. I am a very emotional unstable person. I can be feeling like this and that the next. I cannot strike a conversation properly without feeling awkward. I am not much of a talker or a joker. For some reasons I cannot do story telling or tell jokes for nuts. Minute stuff does not amuse me. Even in my family, my brother is good at making my mum laugh when he makes her mad. My dad will find is amusing and start laughing together with them, I will be there wondering what is so funny. I find my brother irritating while others find him entertaining. This is what I hate about myself, not being able to relate with people.
Sometimes I really wish to shut out from the world and sleep forever. I dream almost every night when I sleep. And I love my dreams. They were never bad. I get the things I want, do the things I want and be with the person I want to be with. Talk to the person I want to talk to too.
Every time when I got a problem and need to find someone to talk, I just have to call. But now, I dun even know whom to call. Everyone whom I use to call seems to be so far away, having his or her own social life. Each time i got something good I want to share with somebody, but there is no one in my mind. I am not talking about God. I know I can share it with Him. But what I want is not just a listener, but also someone who will respond. I used to turn to my dad. But now it is so hard to talk to him. Partly because he is already busy and stress in his work I dun want to disturb him. Now that my results are coming out soon, I can see it from my dad that he is worried. I dun want to disappoint him. I dun want to disappoint a lot of people.
My uncle once told my dad that next time when I grow up, I will * tan bo jia * in hokkien which means earn no money to eat. I dun want to be looked down upon. Since young a lot of people dislike me. They say I have attitude problem. My teachers, friends and even my mum said that. Maybe I have. My mum once told me she would rather have my brother than have me. Maybe that is the reason I dislike my brother so much. My mum might not have meant what she said. But that really hurt me a lot. Yea, one thing that Pastor taught us was to forget past hurts. But it is not that easy. Thinking of what happened that day is very saddening. Every sentence that she said is still engraved in me.
Joyce Meyer said we should love ourselves right? Tell me how. I am not happy with the way I am. When I look at people around me, I envy them for being able to relate to people. I envy those who are able to bring laughter into people's life, something that I cannot do at all.
Are friends * not hi bye friends * really that important? I gave up trying to search for one. They never seem to stay. One reason being I dun know how to make people stay around me and not get bored or irritated by me. Yea, it is lonely, but I am relieved by one thing. I wont have to worry about them leaving me. I wont have to cry over them leaving me because they already left.
Will I be remembered if I am gone one day?
LyDiA[Friday, January 13, 2006]
[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
feeling blue?
will i recieve a call on my phone
or hear a message tone
with a name that's blinking
of who i'm thinking
i want to recieve your call
at least i know you cared
but all i hear is silence
it's like no one's there
nothing can describe how i'm feeling
something's missing
is there a difference between dream and reality
i hope there isn't because i love this fantasy
how i wish i could stay forever in this dream
forever filled with happiness to the brim
even if it were to overflow
at least i know it'll never "underflow"
who will be able to make this true
always feeling gay and never blue
but a dream will always be just a dream
who can make this a reality
who?
JESUS
LyDiA[Tuesday, January 10, 2006]
[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
who am i
i sometimes wonder who i really am. am i really who i am when i'm around certain people? i guess not. i realise it's kinda hard to find someone who has the same interest as me. for example, i like music from celtic circle, not those heavy metal or rock songs. which is so different from my friends. i like museums and stuffs, but my friends don't. so it's kinda hard for me to enjoy what i'm doing. it's hard to find someone who'll enjoy what i like to do. i can be the most boring person. not knowing what to say when there's people around. i believe a trip can be silent for me. i'm not those kind of person who likes to start conversation and it'll end up so awkward for the both of us. blah blah blah. the least goes on on who i am and who i'm not. but still. should i stay the way i am, or continue to compromise? i dunno. my friends love steamboat, i dun. my friends love k-box, i dun. my friends love to talk, i dun. i like anime, they dun. i like science centers, they dun. i like classical music, they dun. i like things they dun and they like things i dun. haha. what should i do?
LyDiA[Tuesday, January 10, 2006]
[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
Friday, January 06, 2006
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
once again another year has gone pass.
to think that my A-levels is over and i'm waiting for the release of the results.
it's really amazing to me how time passes so slow but yet so fast in front of our eyes. the seconds that cannot be reused.
anyway. an update of what's happening now. i'm currently working at Mount Faber as a waitress. working hours are kinda tiring. it's from 5pm to latest 3am. but will normally reach home around 4.30am. it's kinda of an experience la. with the people that u are working with and handling with. some are really idiotic though. there's one person. there's an ashtray on her table, but when she smoke, she threw the ashes on the floor. this are the kind of people we have. no brains and inconsiderate people. overall the people there are ok. some are easy to get along with whereas some are not. one thing about most of my colleagues there are that their full stop, commas, starting and ending of a sentence are vulgur languages, and most of them smokes too. i'm gonna die very young as a passive smoker. haha.
chingay is also round the corner on 4th of January. really looking forward to it. infact, i'm really excited. happy as well:]] wonder how's everything gonna be like. haha.
chinese new year is also coming. ooh. and i'll have my chance to wear my qipao. yes, u heard me right. i've got two. one white and a red one. i've got lots of oriental clothes, all for the sake of chinese new year. and i simply love them. it's so nice. haha. it's also a time to get all my ang paoz and win lotsa money in blackjack. wahaha. mahjong too!!!
i believe this year is gonna be so exciting!!! wonder how will this year be like eh.
echo-cited
LyDiA[Friday, January 06, 2006]
[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
[[*Trapped Soul*]]
Name:Chin Kegan
First Cry:23rd maY 1993
Sch00l:Kranji Secondary School
E-mail:kegan93@hotmail.com
[[*My Adores*]]
Stuffs: I lOvE BeArs
Pastimes:DaYdReAmIng
People: God!!! FaMiLy aND FrIendS!!! StRiKEfORcE!!!
[[*My Detests*]]
People: LiErS AnD BaCkStABBErs
Things: INSeCts!!!
[[*Things I Want*]]
SKIN long sleeve white top-$387
RIPCURL black long sleeve top-$69
heels from TANGS+CO-$199
GUESS belt-$99.90
ED HARDY cap-$149
LEVI'S skirt-$99.90
CONVERSE sneakers-$69
HARLEY DAVIDSON belt
*[[____ taggiee ((: `-//*