Wednesday, March 30, 2005
should i???
thankz guys for the encouragement given
lurvee ya people so much
thank God for you people in my life
cos my results aint really good
and that has added on to my stress level
but anyway
i know God is with me
and i believe that He's my pillar of strength
but i'm still messe up
should i continue or should i not
ever since last year
my results haven't been very good
it's always at the bottom or super borderline
i'm really wondering if i should take my "A" levels this year
my dad has once told me to drop the idea of retaining
he said it's gonna affect my future
i know it's true
cos eventually, i'll be competing with students born in the year of dragon
which is so much more
which means that my competition with them
to get into university would be very high too
but putting that aside
what if i ain't able to do well for my A's?
it'll both a waste of time and money
the total costs of this exam is 400 plus
it's not cheap
now i really dunno what to do
i did study
maybe the wrong way
but i still did
that was why i felt discouraged
study still fail
back in secondary school
there's no problem with my study method
but when i'm in JC
everything seems so different
the teachers' teaching styles
the school's style
everything is different
right from the start
it's been a wrong choice made by me
my aggregate in secondary school have never been below 20 before
it was only during O-levels that my results are below 20
but it's only by abit
i got 18
which wasn't very good compared to those who are in JC
teachers always compare people with points
but i dont think that should be the case
know why
let me tell ya
two student
same results of 18 points
but look closely at the individual results
student A
English-C6
Maths-A1
Chinese-A1
Pure Physics-A2
Pure Chemistry-A2
Combine Humanity-C6
student B (me)
English-C5
Maths-A1
A-Maths-B3
Combine Science-B3
Combine Humanity-B3
Chinese-B3
see the difference
student A may be bad in arts(combine humanity),
but he scored in science
in JC there's only science and arts course
or commerce in MI
i'm average in all
and my science aint even pure
it's ridiculous isn't it
i did ask my secondary school teacher for opinions of what i should do
she even told me that i shouldn't go to a JC with my results
kinda true
i'm having difficulty coping now
someone help
i wanna study
but how???
ech0-lost
God...
Where are You
I need You by my side
Please hold me close to You
please.. ple..
i..i.. rea...lly.. du...n..no.. wh..at.. t..t..to.. d...do..
LyDiA[Wednesday, March 30, 2005]
[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
Monday, March 28, 2005
Bad Sad Day
haiz
don't really know the reason why
feeling rather down today
got back my results in school
maths and physics mcq
well
i didn't expect myself to get below 50 marks
cos i was pretty confident after the paper
that i could do better then that
got back the paper
took a look at it
flipped through the pages
realise one thing
lots of careless
but mostly also i don really know how to do
but at least i knew some
and it secured my pass
praise the Lord for that
then later in the day
i went to look for a teacher in my school
regarding some CIP stuff
i know the rules in school
that i have to get it approved first before doing this CIP
but i didn't know that Chingay could be included
so i kinda procrastinated
went into her office
sat down in front of her
she looked fierce
the first thing she asked was
why i didn't get it approved first before doing it
and so like what any people will do
i explained to her
telling her i didn't know it could be included
that i couldn't find her
and i knew it much later that it could be included
and it goes on
she was so fierce
she scolded me for not following the school rules
and saying that i couldn't find her
and i started crying
one reason was that i was intimidated by her
another was i was embarrassed in the general office
another was i was frustrated that she doesn't seem to understand
i know it's my fault that i didn't manage to follow the rules
but i just want to make sure about it
and asked her
but it didn't turn out to be a nice conversation
however
she accepted my CIP form
PRAISE THE LORD for that
and i cried again
she told me that if she were to follow by the law
my CIP wouldn't have been approved
but it was through grace she gave me a second chance
wow
i was relieved
i cried because i was touched
and it was so embarrassing when i walked out of the GO
my eyes and nose were red
then i went back to class
it was physics lesson
sat down and we got back our MCQ paper
right, it was just as expected
to be honest
i scored the lowest in class
haiz, it's kinda sad
then my teacher went through our paper two
looking at the circumstance
i don't think i can pull through physics already
yucks
after which we had PE
it was physical training
we ran a total of 4.3Km and did 50 jumping jacks
30 sit ups and 30 push ups
super tiring
timing of my run wasn't good
gonna train up and get a better timing
and so my school days ends here
now i'm home
i just surfed through the net
blogging, friendster and msn
nothing much though
saw my friends pic
sometimes i wonder
how do people look so natural in pictures
i suck at that
always felt that i look weird in pics
that's one reason why i don really like phototaking sessions
always wanted to put it all behind me
and be normal when taking it
but somehow it's not working
haiz
hate it
i really envy people who are photogenic
they look so nice in pics
and they can just take thousands and thousands of them
without looking bad
why
hate it
i hate it when things doesn't turn out well
hate it hate it hate it
so irritating
sometimes i really wonder
what's the point of trying
when each time you try
the next thing you know
is you have failed
sigh...
ech0-raged
LyDiA[Monday, March 28, 2005]
[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
Sunday, March 27, 2005
1st Year Anniversary
Hey... it's still before twelve o'clock... i would like to take this opportunity to thank someone who have brought me to church... ASHER LIM FENG XIANG!!!! I love you man... haha.. really thankz... but before that.. i'd like to thank Joel first... cos without him.. i wouldn't have known Asher.. and i wouldn't be in this church... City Harvest... it's such a great place to be in... the POWERFUL PRAISE and WORSHIP.. GOD'S TANGIBLE PRESENCE... great PASTORs.. it's all so cool... really thankz alot guys!!!! LURVE YA!!!(that is if u came to read my blog.. haha
Everyday in my life
There lies this longing
Of wanting to be loved
But no matter how hard I try
I couldn't find a perfect groom
The feeling doesn't stay
They fade away
They change and die
And each time I'll end up hurt
Discouraged and afraid
Never wanting to fall in love again
But there was this one special day
So clearly remembered by me
it was a year ago
Exactly on this date, 27th March 2004
I found my perfect love
And He is
Jesus
The Man who died on the cross for me
Happy 1st year anniversary
I Love You
My love for you will never die
It's a promise
I want to be Your bride
ehc0-eternity
LyDiA[Sunday, March 27, 2005]
[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
Friday, March 25, 2005
knock knock
"knock knock"
"who's there?"
"it's Me, Jesus"
"oh... sorry... i'm not free at the moment
can You come again another day?"
you stood behind the door
a tear down your face
past memories of your wrong doings flooded you
feeling so ashame of yourself
you don't want Him to see you in a sorry state
and you kept the door shut
in our lifetime
we might have scars that doesn't seems to heal
no matter what you try to do
it doesn't seem to go away
but Jesus is here
He can heal your scars
what you need to do
is reach out to Him
open the door and let Him in
and He will be there just for you
ech0-knock
LyDiA[Friday, March 25, 2005]
[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Believe in God for your Needs
God is always looking down
on the little creations He made
He created it in such a way
that it's so pure and perfect
our world which was once so perfect
is shattered because of sins
our world which was once so pure
is corrupted because of filthy thoughts and doings
the earth was once filled with silver and gold
emerald, red ruby and other precious stones
this proves one thing
God is not against us being rich
but why?
why did people eventually become so selfish and greedy?
everyday in their mind, is only money money money
can't they think of something more important
for example their life?
all things that are on Earth
shall wholly pass away
except the Love of God
which shall live and last for aye
its the same with our treasures on earth
they will perish one day
God knows our needs
Long time ago before you were born
He created a man and named him Adam
God saw him alone
so He took a rib bone
created a woman for him, named Eve
God sees the needs in our lives
He is Jehovah Jireh our Provider
there is nothing for us to fear
if He can provide for the birds in the air
and the fishes in the sea
I'm sure God will provide your needs
if you need a financial breakthrough
pray
if you need a spiritual breakthrough
pray
if you need any kinds of breakthrough
pray
ask and it shall be done for you
have trust and faith in Him
don't allow yourself to be controlled by worldly things
for they can make you perish forever in a wink
ehc0-need
LyDiA[Wednesday, March 23, 2005]
[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
StresseD
it's been a long time since i wrote like this.. as in... writing what happens during my day... today have been rather hectic... have been trying to complete my revision by today... but haiz... bad news... i can't and didn't manage to do it...
the whole day... i was trying to do my maths ten years series... our teacher gave us a list of questions for preparation... there's a total of 126 questions... not alot right? but all is on differentiation and integration... i was like trying to do until i wanna cry already... i couldn't do most of them... i'm superly discouraged... in the end i stopped doing and just read through my lecture notes.. hoping that it would be of help to me tomorrow.. and yes.... my test is tomorrow and i'm still blogging... stress la... no choice... have to destress abit... if not i will turn crazy... happened once.. was so stressed up that i started crying for no reason... hmmm... not right.. i cried because i wanted to destress... haha.... yea... hate it when i need to study... cause nothing goes in my head... can someone out there teach me how to study smart?? i really need a tactic... anyway... what i've mentioned above is just one subject...
i'm having two test tomorrow... maths and physics... haha... surprising huh... and i feel like slaughtering the teacher who organised this whole common test thingy.. fancy putting to subjects that have got so many formulas to memorise together... there's really lots of formulas.. and i tend to mix them up all the time... haiz... especially physics.. one letter can represent so many thing... for example.. the letter V... it can represent velocity, volume and voltage... and we use all kinds of letters.. and i'm messed up... there's U, T, S, E, I, and blah blah blah.. the letters goes on... haha... and there's a news for you... i haven't touch my physics yet.. it's not that i don't want to... i simply got no time and no mood to study... yea.. of cos it's not your fault.. i didn't say so... it's mine... of not knowing how to manage my time properly and stuff...
haiz... my chemistry paper was just yesterday... and i think i've done badly... there's a couple of questions that i don't understand and in the end i left it blank... haiz... chemistry is a total stranger to me... really need to build up a relationship with it... maybe i'll try being friend with it... maybe my grades will be better.. from there on.. then i progress and make further decisions.. haha... but i only got a few months more to go... to have a very strong relationship with it... it'd be good if i can make it to marriage.. then everything will go well.. haha.. ok... i'm starting to talk rubbish...
i'm really stressed.. although i don't look like i do.. cos i still come online and stuff... in reality... i'm running away... right?? studying seems to be no fun at all... and i'm quite afraid of it... ever since i stepped in a junior college.. i've been having difficulty passing... i'm not talking about getting "A"s yet ok... just an "E"... i've got problem getting it... i never had problems passing when i was in primary schools and secondary schools.. i've got no worries when i study... but now... all the WHAT IFs are haunting me... so far.. i've yet to pass any chemistry paper.. and yes.. that's how bad i'm doing... i've never gotten and "D"s for any subject before... excluding GP... i'm really lost... ARGH!!!!
what's wrong with me and my study technique
that makes my day seems so hectic
i wanna slow down and study smart
but why do i find it so hard
someone out there who's reading this
you should know that i sounded quiet pissed
i really need help in how to study
anyone who knows please call immediately
i'm sick of failing all my subjects
not just failing, but including my mums nags
all i ask now is at least a passing grade
cause i've been feeling rather discourage
i want to have a testimony just like that girl
i want my grades to be just like hers
i was truly inspired after her speech
but for now, just a pass is what i beseech(did i use it correctly? sounds abit weird to me)
however
i don't have to fear
for i know
He will lead me through
He is my pillar of strenght
i do believe in Miracles
i do
i do
ech0-stressed
LyDiA[Tuesday, March 22, 2005]
[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
Sunday, March 20, 2005
Perfect Love for an Imperfect
have you ever asked yourself
"what do you like?"
is it something that is perfect?
or something that is not?
have you ever asked yourself
"are you perfect?"
when you answered it
were you truthful?
how many times have you heard people
saying that they are perfect
how many times have you heard people
saying they that were never wrong
but the question is:
do things need to be PERFECT to be LOVED?
do we have to be PERFECT to be LOVED?
what will be your answer?
for mine is no
as deep down i know
2000 years ago
Jesus died for an imperfect person like me
Love You Jesus
ehc0-imperfect
LyDiA[Sunday, March 20, 2005]
[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
Saturday, March 19, 2005
Blessed Greatly
i was once living in darkness
not knowing what is light
living in a world of unhappiness
filled with selfishness and pride
i was once living in a world unknown
all i remembered was, i am alone
living in a world that is ruined
filled with unrighteousness and sin
there was no comfort
there was no peace
but meaningless wars
that never seems to seize
there was no love
there was no warmth
but people filled coldness
and unbearable wrath
it's scary
it's lonely
it's somewhere you don't wanna be
be glad that you have been redeemed
now, my life have been filled with light
my days of darkness have gone out of sight
the Word of God is what i abide
being filled with the spirit, is my delight
Praise the Lord!!!
ehc0-blessed
LyDiA[Saturday, March 19, 2005]
[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Lost Sheep
once
somebody asked me a question..
Who is Jesus?
I was still very young then and didn't know how to answer
i said
i don't know
But now..
I know
Now...
I understand
Who is Jesus....
I once asked Jesus
"How much do You love me?"
He didn't say anything
Then He stretched out His arms and said
"This much.."
And He died on the cross
Who is He you may ask
Whom willingly died on the cross for us
I proudly proclaim that He is God
Of whom i will always look upon
Before the world begin
You were on His mind
And every tear you cried
Is precious in His eyes
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come
Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts, broken lives
He will take them all
The power the word
The power of His blood
Everything was done
So you would come
Nothing you can do
To make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done
Can make Him close the door
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come
Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts, broken lives
He will take them all
The power of the word
The power of His blood
Everything was done
So you would come
Come...
Even if you are the only lost sheep
He'll still wait for you to come...
Ech0-touched
LyDiA[Thursday, March 17, 2005]
[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
Sunday, March 13, 2005
Presence and Power of God
God's...
Presence changes the HEART
Power changes the BODY
Presence takes hold of your BEING
Power takes hold of your SHELL
Presence deals with His WAYS
Power deals with His ACTS
Presence deals with His REVELATIONS
Power deals with His MANIFESTATIONS
Presence deals with who He IS
Power deals with what He DOES
out of PRESENCE
POWER is released
ech0-fired
__Our Heavenly Father
______always waits for our return when we leave
__________Because of ONE reason
______He LOVES you
____But I don't wanna leave
__I don't wanna walk away again
_______I wanna be in Your Presence
___Cos in Your Presence
______Is where i wanna stay
____Forever...
_______ I LOVE You too
Ech0-fired
LyDiA[Sunday, March 13, 2005]
[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
Saturday, March 12, 2005
feeling the presence
i don't really know the reason why
but i've been feeling rather dry
is there anything wrong with me
or is it that i ask too much
questions have been revolving around me
and they are not normal questions that people ask
it is quite scary to think on how it could destroy me
cause someone told me it's dangerous to think of it
she told me my questions asked can destroy someone
it's either me
or the person i ask
faith is so shaken that something needs to be done
why
tell me why am i feeling this way
it does not benefit me at the end of the day
no matter how expensive the price is, i'm willing to pay
but please, show me the way
i really dunno what to do
it's been bothering me ever since my last fall
i wanna get back on the line
but questions keep burning in my mind
i know not every question have an answer
and some are best to be left unknown
someone please get me out of my curiousity
before what happened to the cat happen to me
curiousty does destroys
ech0-dry
Jesus
i wanna walk with You again
right from the start
can we?
i miss the times i had with You
i miss everything that has to do with You
i miss Your presence
it seems all gone now
i want it back
right back in me
i don't want it to be just a memory
or something that's temporary
i want this journey to be permanent and meaningful
a journey that never ends
a walk that i can remember
till the end of my days
i promise i will not let go anymore
i promise i will love You even more
persuing and desiring after You,
will be now, my first rule
i want You back in my life
can we start all over again
can we
ech0-miss
LyDiA[Saturday, March 12, 2005]
[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
i dislike my GP teacher
it's been a long time since i last updated
so i thought i should come and touch up abit
anyway today is tiring
no particular reason why
maybe not enough sleep
maybe the day is boring
hmmm.. i know why
i think it's because today got GP
that teacher of mine is super boring
she speaks as if the world is dead
kinda send me to a sleeping mode
attending her lesson
is like attending a funeral
nothing better to do
but just staring at her
listening to her
is like listeining to a spoiled radio
but she's worse
at least spoiled radios produce different tones of irritating sounds
she doesn't
she goes "aaaaaaaaaaaaa" so monotone
she's one weird teacher too
who needs her students to motivate her
what the hack
i don even care
cos from what i know
is the students needs to be motivated more then she needs
she's gives up so fast
and expect us to wanna learn
i wonder how this theory works
although my results does not depend on her
but i think it really depends on how much i like the subject
and what influence us towards the sub
is how we feel towards our teacher
normally we do better if we like the tutor
if this is gonna continue
i think i'll be getting shit for my General Paper(which is this friday)
and one thing she does
she goes "alright" and "alright"
almost throughout the class
and yes
it is countable
argh
couldn't stand her
she just recieved a certificate from me
this teacher of mine whom i shall not name
have recieved this prestigious award of the year
i loudly proclaim to you that you are (drumrolls)
"The MOST CMI TEACHER OF THE YEAR!"
can i call for a change of teacher
ech0-yuck
LyDiA[Tuesday, March 08, 2005]
[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
Saturday, March 05, 2005
Messed Up
DIFINITION OF HISTORY HERE: THE SAME SITUATION
what's going on now
once again i feel all messed up
someone tell me what's going on
why history has to repeat itself
i'm confuse
and dunno what to do
it always seems to be the same case
but yet different each time
it's like a time bomb to me
it goes tick tock tick tock....KABOOM
i hate it when it revolves around my life
i hate it when it repeats
i hate it when it explodes without warning
i hate it when it crushes me
like an accident that occur in me
living a scar that's often so deep
when is it ever gonna heal
if history keeps repeating on it's own
Ech0-meSSed
LyDiA[Saturday, March 05, 2005]
[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Boulevard of Shattered Dreams
locked in a space of my own
shut out from people and the world
i see nothing
i hear nothing
darkness and silence
engulfed me
i walked alone in the empty street
on this boulevard of shattered dreams
the only thing i saw
was my shadow and me
the only thing i heard
was my irregular heartbeat
standing at the edge
on the verge of falling
i wonder when will my senses
be set free
i shouted
i screamed
i cried
there was no reply
i was alone
alone...
i shouted
i screamed
i cried
still there was no reply
i was alone
alone...
where is everyone else?
where is the love?
Ech0-LoNe
LyDiA[Thursday, March 03, 2005]
[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
Locked in Me
Friends in my heart
Forever you'll be
No entrance
No escape
Locked and guarded
Trust is the key
Never gonna forget
The memories you've created
Forever engraved
Deeply in me
Ech0-eNds
LyDiA[Thursday, March 03, 2005]
[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
[[*Trapped Soul*]]
Name:Chin Kegan
First Cry:23rd maY 1993
Sch00l:Kranji Secondary School
E-mail:kegan93@hotmail.com
[[*My Adores*]]
Stuffs: I lOvE BeArs
Pastimes:DaYdReAmIng
People: God!!! FaMiLy aND FrIendS!!! StRiKEfORcE!!!
[[*My Detests*]]
People: LiErS AnD BaCkStABBErs
Things: INSeCts!!!
[[*Things I Want*]]
SKIN long sleeve white top-$387
RIPCURL black long sleeve top-$69
heels from TANGS+CO-$199
GUESS belt-$99.90
ED HARDY cap-$149
LEVI'S skirt-$99.90
CONVERSE sneakers-$69
HARLEY DAVIDSON belt
*[[____ taggiee ((: `-//*