Sunday, July 17, 2005
i'm not alone
recently i've been feeling really down due to my horrible results. it has been troubling me. of what will i do if my results continues to be bad. how am i suppose to face my parents who have trusted me so much to study on my own. i would be letting everyone who trusted and believed in me. including God. i know and i know that He has always been behind me supporting me. being my pillar of strength in times of need. being my supporter when i fall. but why can't i handle my emotions? i realised i've been too dependent on myself. way back when i first started coming to City Harvest. i can still remember how i was so on fire for God. how i love to go for cell group and services. but when i look at it now. how my spiritual life is. it's way different. ever since one incident. it sets me falling back. of cos the reason for this fall got nothing to do with those people who are involve. but me. i didn't turn to God. instead i blamed everyone else. and i took the wrong step of wanting to backslide. it was a bad choice. a wrong one. cos i didn't seek Him. i turned away. leaving me more depressed. but when i started going back to cell and church. i realised everything was different. everything seemed to have changed so much. i wasn't as interested as before. it was as if i'm going for the sake of going. going because i don't want people to worry. going because i don't want people to keep pestering me and the list of reasons goes on. of all that i've written above. there's one thing in common. it's the way i think and i feel. everytime i've got a problem. i'll depend on my own strength. and each time i do that. my relationship with God gets further and weaker. but recently. after so long. i finally knew what was called leaning upon God's strength. i find myself much happier. i realised i've been missing out alot when i stopped reading my bible last year. there's so many real life experiences in there that showed how they had faith and believe in God when situations seemed so impossible. it's really amazing on how it really changed my thinking. i just hope that next year. my results will be good. cause i know God won't fail me. He might be last minute. but He will never be late.
when i'm sad
He knows
when i'm lost
He knows
when i'm alone
He knows
what is there that He don't?
every secrets of my heart:
who i like
most embarrassing moments
what i hate
my phobias
even the deepest and darkest secrets
He knows
even things that i don't know about myself
He knows
He knows so much about me
yet i don't know much about Him
but i know
He is God
my Saviour
my Beloved
and
my Friend
Jesus
LyDiA[Sunday, July 17, 2005]
[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
