..AbSoLute bLiss..

JUDGE NOT THE LORD BY FEEBLE SENSE
BUT TRUST HIM FOR HIS GRACE
BEHIND A FROWNING PROVIDENCE
HE HIDES A SMILING FACE

TO HAVE THE POWER TO FORGIVE
IS EMPIRE AND PREROGATIVE
AND 'TIS IN CROWNS A NOBLER GEM
TO GRANT A PARDON THAN CONDEMN

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copyright of kegan

UNFORGoTTEN MEMORIES
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
November 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
May 2006
June 2006

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

nothing

long time ago, not too long too, i'm obsess with mutants, vampires and werewolves. i dunno why. but i love them. i like to read stories on them, watch movies about them and simply thinking about them.

partly was because those stories about them have always been loneliness. people avoid them, people hated them, people just didn't want them in their societies. i have liked them because of certain reasons. firstly, i find them special. they have what the majority doesn't have. i dunno how to explain the feeling it gives me. but i've always wanted to be special. being someone who is different from others. i use to believe they exist, it's just that we don't know.

besides, not many people know this. but yea. i'm posting it. ran out of people to talk to. so might as well just post it. since i wouldn't know who would be reading. i'm just talking to my computer. assuming that his listening. hopefully. i like the feeling of being helpless (being tied up and not being able to do anything). weird eh. call me psychotic. crazy or whatever. but it's been a long time that i've liked this kinda thing.

of cos i've talked to people about this and there's advises and stuff coming in. don't worry. i'm not suffering from any mental illness. far from it. i'm fine and totally alright.

but this few days, some thing's been troubling me. i think my thoughts have run abit to wild. i even have problem differentiating my dreams from reality. my dreams seemed so real this few days. and it's kinda freaking me out. cos i'd wake up thinking, did i really say that? did i really do that? i don't know what exactly is going on in my mind and stuff. but i know i've been thinking alot lately.

emptiness. the sudden feeling of something unexplainable. i dunno how to explain this thing that i felt. but i believe everyone will have experience this at least once. u just dunno why, but u feel like crying. and when u cry, u'd be asking yourself, why are u crying but u just couldn't find a reason. u just feel like crying. well, i've been feeling like this. for no reason. wonder what's wrong too. i don't feel lonely, but there's this emptiness (guess that's the only word i can find to describe).

haiz. just realised whatever i write seems to have no connections at all. all seems to be so scrambled. guess that's what i'm feeling bah. messed up and stuff. it's not very late. but guess it's time to sleep. will continue to write when i'm in the right mind again. good night.

i heard the wind
i felt the chill
but nothing can ever be
colder than emptiness

LyDiA[Tuesday, June 14, 2005]

[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
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