..AbSoLute bLiss..

JUDGE NOT THE LORD BY FEEBLE SENSE
BUT TRUST HIM FOR HIS GRACE
BEHIND A FROWNING PROVIDENCE
HE HIDES A SMILING FACE

TO HAVE THE POWER TO FORGIVE
IS EMPIRE AND PREROGATIVE
AND 'TIS IN CROWNS A NOBLER GEM
TO GRANT A PARDON THAN CONDEMN

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UNFORGoTTEN MEMORIES
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
November 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
May 2006
June 2006

Sunday, May 15, 2005

feeling kinda like...

it's been a long time since i wrote a blog this way. in a form of a story. right. this few days. have been feeling really stressed. looking at my time table. i realised i've got too many things up my sleeve. way too much. the dates seems to be clashing. and i'm afraid that i won't be able to cope with both school and church stuff. it's pretty true. ever since i'm in church. it's been taking up alot of time. of cos. a day in church is better then being anywhere else. but still. there need to be limit. my parents are non-christian. they get angry with the amount of time i'm spending in church. anyway. this is not my main problem.

my main problem. i really don't know what to do now. how should i organise my time? so that i will be able to do everything. having enough time for what needs to be done. not too much of this and too less for the other. i really don't know. now my time seems to be used up so rapidly. and days are flashing pass right in front of my eyes. my A-levels is only like 163 days away. and i have yet to do my revision. there seems practically no time at all now. and i'm getting nervous. i don't wanna fail this major exam. it's gonna determine my future. i know i can do all things through Christ who will strengthen me. but if nothing is done, nothing is gonna work. extra time don't fall from Heaven. intelligence don't fall from Heaven unto me too. what should i do?

besides, now for emerge conference. i seemed to be involve in so many events. word power. preaching challenge. extreme adventure. talentime. what should i do? my school lessons end late. and i literally seems to have no time to rest.

but i don't wanna let other people down. i wanna be able to perform my best. i wanna be able to succeed in what i've started to do. i don't wanna give up. i don't wanna let go. i wanna perservere on. i wanna be determined. i wanna be... there are so many wanna bes. i have my own expectations to fulfil. i have other's expectations to fulfil too. i don't wanna disappoint any. but i'm tired.

now i'm feeling so lost. so agitated. so frustrated of not being able to do what i'm suppose to do. it's nothing difficult. and i'm not able to do it. and that sucks. really sucks to the bottom of the pit.

i wanna be this and i wanna be that. a never ending list. a simple thing that needs to be done and i ain't able to accomplish it. what's more need to be said? nothing.

there are so many things i wanna do. but i ain't putting in the effort. it seems like everytime i try. it always fail. i know failure is the mother of success and people learn from failures. but i don wanna fail. i've been failing in practically anything that i tried doing. be it studies? or some other things. idiotically they never succeed. and i think too much. it might be a strength. but i believe it's a weakness for me.

now i don't even know how to put those thoughts in my mind in words. there are so many things scrambled up in my head that never stops swirling since the day i got messed up. forget it.

i really need some serious time management. let me show you the dates of events i'm having.

16th May 2005
-school ends at 7pm
-barbeque with sec sch friends

17th May 2005
-school ends at 7pm
-chemistry tuition after school from 7.30pm-9.45pm
-briefing session for extreme adventure at 7pm*

18th May 2005
-Science Practical Assessment A from 2pm-3pm (A-level)
-talentime audition at 5pm in church, meeting members at 4pm*

19th May 2005
-Chemistry Lecture test from 6pm-7pm
-Preaching Challenge Preliminary Round from 3pm-8pm*

this is for this coming week. i wonder how.

LyDiA[Sunday, May 15, 2005]

[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
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