..AbSoLute bLiss..

JUDGE NOT THE LORD BY FEEBLE SENSE
BUT TRUST HIM FOR HIS GRACE
BEHIND A FROWNING PROVIDENCE
HE HIDES A SMILING FACE

TO HAVE THE POWER TO FORGIVE
IS EMPIRE AND PREROGATIVE
AND 'TIS IN CROWNS A NOBLER GEM
TO GRANT A PARDON THAN CONDEMN

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copyright of kegan

UNFORGoTTEN MEMORIES
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
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Monday, April 11, 2005

appreciating the lost

i know of this girl
who don't really like her life
everything seems kinda screwed up for her
not only her results
but relationships too

she asked
do people need to be dead before their friends and families regret the lost?

there are times where she'll think to herself
what would it be like if she's not around
will her friends be happier?
will her families be happier?

what will happen if she meets with an accident
will anybody care?
who will be there?
what will be their last words?
will they regret anything?
will the person she loves knows that she loves him?

she don't know
and she wants to know
sometimes she feels that some things need to be lost
before you start treasuring what seems insignificant

sometimes it seems that she's causing all the troubles
not being able to have patience with her brother
not being able to relate to people better
not doing the right thing at the right time
and the list goes on

she really don't understand the reason why
why is she here if she makes people's lives miserable?

she do try to relate to people
somehow she wasn't able to
maybe she didn't try hard enough
but she's tired of trying

once when she quarrelled with her mum
she told her, given a choice
she would choose her brother over her
she's asked her to leave the house
she's asked her to jump out the window
she's said "i hate you" three times to her
yes, she remembers everything
do you know that hurts alot?
do you know how that feels?

she felt rejected
fancy that coming out from her mum's mouth
she wonder how long she's been feeling that way
she really felt like an idiot
maybe she's one
not good at anything
being able to achieve nothing
just taking up space and sucking off free oxygen

when given a task
she'd want to do it perfectly
know why
she doesn't like embarressment
yes, she doesn't like to be ambarressed
she doesn't like failures
she doesn't like anything that's against her will
she hates it

she would want everything to be perfect
so that it'd be pleasing
but it's a one man show
she can't work well with others
that's been a fact
since the day she stepped into primary school
wanna know what happen?
she never knew she's such a "wonderful" life till now

when she works in projects
classmates complaint to their teacher saying that she has:
attitude problem
arrogant
teacher's pet
fierce
selfish
and they simply told their teacher they don't like her
maybe she was one
but she never felt that way
no one has ever asked her for help
aint that ridiculous
you know how that feels?

she felt rejected
she was alone most of the time
no one to turn to when she's got problems
no one to talk to when she's down

secondary school
friends talk behind her back
her not knowing anything
got ignored and stuff
it's not as bad as before
but do you know how that feels?

she felt rejected

because of friends
she's been asked to see a psychiatrist
because of friends
her tears almost dried up
each time she loses a friend
uncontrollably, she'll break down and cry

it seems that whatever she does
whatever that she says seems wrong
so what's the point of living
when no one appreciates her existance
such thoughts never fails to haunt her
it's easy for them to fill her
but there's one thing that she lacks
the courage to die

if not
she would be dead by now

please appreaciate others when they are still alive
not at the deathbed crying and say
"i regret not treating you better, we could have been closer friends"

ech0-dead

LyDiA[Monday, April 11, 2005]

[___nO oNe oWns U, BuT me___]]**
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